We aren't perfect parents. We love our kids. That has led to A LOT of extra time being spent in our girls' bedroom when it is bedtime.
When we were rookie parents little Aftie was able to rope us into some habits that would definitely receive the scorn of many perfect parenting authors. She was such a good little girl about going into her bed for the night that it didn't seem like a big deal if we had to hang around in the room for a minute after putting her into bed. We'd pat her back, maybe sing her a song, mostly just stay long enough so she felt secure and at peace before going to sleep for the night. Yeah, not a great idea. That led to some nights with us literally falling asleep on her floor because if we so much as thought about going to the door before she was asleep she'd bolt up in her crib and cry for us to sit/lay back down.
I remember watching her breathing, counting sheep until I could my break for it, and then being as careful as humanly possible in an attempt to traverse the 10 feet between her crib and the door. We used to laugh (well, we didn't laugh then, but after therapy we could laugh after the fact) about how we'd almost get out the door but on our last step our foot or knee would make a quiet cracking sound, and then Afton would be wide awake and crying for us to come back. And then we finally reached the point we should have months earlier, where we let Afton cry it out a few nights and normalcy was returned to our evenings. I'm pretty sure we vowed we wouldn't make similar mistakes as more seasoned and experienced parents.
Fast forward to last night, and nearly every night in our home now. Mya is 2 years old, almost 3. And she's running the show. After checking off pre-bedtime duties of prayer, potty, and brushing teeth, Mya gets into bed. (She actually walks into bed most of the time. She doesn't mind being carried. But Afton loves to be carried to bed still. The girls either ask to be carried like a "big girl", "baby", or "sack of potatoes".) Once in bed, the routine starts.
1) Pull covers over Mya.
2) Mya grabs and cuddles with her blanket.
3) Mom and Dad take turns rubbing her back and head softly ("back hair" Mya will request/demand)
4) Lullaby. If she says lullaby, then it must be a song that says lullaby in it. Otherwise she wants Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
5) If everything is done in a satisfactory manner up to this point, we're doing pretty well. If not, Mya will have us repeat what we might have missed or done halfheartedly.
6) Next is a vital step. Mya likes to say "Goodnight, Dad. Love you, Dad" and "Goodnight, Mom. Love you, Mom", and then we repeat it. But we better not say it first. And we better not say it while still standing by the bed. We have to be right by the door. After Mya says her farewell, we repeat...at the appropriate decibel level, because if we whisper too softly she gets frustrated, says her part again, and we repeat in a more satisfactory manner.
7) Next Mya tells us how she would like the door to be positioned. She went through a phase where she cried if the door wasn't left wide open, and then another where she wanted it closed all the way. Now she always (without fail) tells us to "just close it little bit". So we leave the door open a crack.
8) A fairly recent addition to the routine is Mya telling us what we should do once we leave the room. "Mommy, take shower, do make-up, and change clothes." It started with her just telling us not to go to bed and morphed into assignments to keep us from going to bed. Last night was the best when Mya forgot to take care of this, so 5-10 minutes after going to bed she ran into our bathroom, found Stefanie, and gave her directions.
One day we'll stop the madness. Right? I mentioned to Stefanie about a general conference talk I had reviewed recently that talked about cherishing the moments we have with our young children, specifically mentioning the chance to take young kids to bed, to tuck them in, tell them stories, sing lullabies, etc. So that's what we're doing. We're cherishing. We're not letting a 2 year old run our home. We're cherishing. Promise.
I remember watching her breathing, counting sheep until I could my break for it, and then being as careful as humanly possible in an attempt to traverse the 10 feet between her crib and the door. We used to laugh (well, we didn't laugh then, but after therapy we could laugh after the fact) about how we'd almost get out the door but on our last step our foot or knee would make a quiet cracking sound, and then Afton would be wide awake and crying for us to come back. And then we finally reached the point we should have months earlier, where we let Afton cry it out a few nights and normalcy was returned to our evenings. I'm pretty sure we vowed we wouldn't make similar mistakes as more seasoned and experienced parents.
Fast forward to last night, and nearly every night in our home now. Mya is 2 years old, almost 3. And she's running the show. After checking off pre-bedtime duties of prayer, potty, and brushing teeth, Mya gets into bed. (She actually walks into bed most of the time. She doesn't mind being carried. But Afton loves to be carried to bed still. The girls either ask to be carried like a "big girl", "baby", or "sack of potatoes".) Once in bed, the routine starts.
1) Pull covers over Mya.
2) Mya grabs and cuddles with her blanket.
3) Mom and Dad take turns rubbing her back and head softly ("back hair" Mya will request/demand)
4) Lullaby. If she says lullaby, then it must be a song that says lullaby in it. Otherwise she wants Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
5) If everything is done in a satisfactory manner up to this point, we're doing pretty well. If not, Mya will have us repeat what we might have missed or done halfheartedly.
6) Next is a vital step. Mya likes to say "Goodnight, Dad. Love you, Dad" and "Goodnight, Mom. Love you, Mom", and then we repeat it. But we better not say it first. And we better not say it while still standing by the bed. We have to be right by the door. After Mya says her farewell, we repeat...at the appropriate decibel level, because if we whisper too softly she gets frustrated, says her part again, and we repeat in a more satisfactory manner.
7) Next Mya tells us how she would like the door to be positioned. She went through a phase where she cried if the door wasn't left wide open, and then another where she wanted it closed all the way. Now she always (without fail) tells us to "just close it little bit". So we leave the door open a crack.
8) A fairly recent addition to the routine is Mya telling us what we should do once we leave the room. "Mommy, take shower, do make-up, and change clothes." It started with her just telling us not to go to bed and morphed into assignments to keep us from going to bed. Last night was the best when Mya forgot to take care of this, so 5-10 minutes after going to bed she ran into our bathroom, found Stefanie, and gave her directions.
One day we'll stop the madness. Right? I mentioned to Stefanie about a general conference talk I had reviewed recently that talked about cherishing the moments we have with our young children, specifically mentioning the chance to take young kids to bed, to tuck them in, tell them stories, sing lullabies, etc. So that's what we're doing. We're cherishing. We're not letting a 2 year old run our home. We're cherishing. Promise.
1 comment:
You have no idea how much better I feel. We have always struggled with our girls at bedtime. But in reality... we just act like its a struggle when talking to our parents or to other parents of young kids. We actually love that time with our girls. (Most of the time.) Katie slept with us until she was four and now we lay by her to get her to sleep. Emily used to sleep well in her crib, but I felt guilty for only "babying" Katie, so now we lay by Emily, too. Sure, it would be "easier"... but I love cuddling with them as they fall asleep!
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